Ivy League Conservatives

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The restaurant business is one of the most entertaining industries in which to work, especially for an intelligent person. Every day is a brand new experiment in social dynamics and modern culture, and I get to observe it all like a bee buzzing through a field of wildflowers.

Today I waited on a group of five from Germantown, Pennsylvania. I told them I graduated from Penn, and there was the requisite awkward silence until one asked what I was going to do with my degree (in English).

“I’m a freelance writer,” I said. “I work here because I like it, and because I get health insurance and a 401K, something I don’t get as a self-employed writer. I work three shifts here and spend the rest of the week writing. It’s the best job situation in the world.”

Sufficiently silenced, one woman asked who I was voting for. I’d been trained well from college to respond as a conservative to such a loaded question from a group of liberals.

“I don’t think I’m going to vote,” I replied diplomatically. “I don’t believe in jumping on a bandwagon, and I don’t want to waste my vote on a candidate I’m not passionate about, but I certainly respect others’ political choices.” 

This little white lie was done purposefully. I could have given a 20-minute impromptu speech on why the Democratic nominees are idiots, incited a spirited political discussion and called it a day, but I know better. There’s a time and a place for such discourse, and it isn’t when they’re sitting on a $300 check and I’m poised to receive $60 for stellar–and politically neutral–service. Some may note that I could have agreed with them, nodded eagerly as they urged me to vote Democrat. 

I may make a lie or two of omission, but I’m no sell-out. Because in my head, my response was, “I don’t think I’m going to [tell you for whom I will] vote. I don’t want to waste my vote on a candidate I’m not passionate about, and I’m not going to waste my time telling you why the candidates you’re passionate about are idiots.”

“But what about healthcare?” the politico on the right wanted to know. “I’m passionate about healthcare. Aren’t you?”

“I don’t get sick, and I don’t take medicine,” I said. “I have my own insurance for when I need to go to the doctor.”

“Don’t you want everyone to have those same rights to healthcare?”

And then, as if by magic, the food runner arrived with the group’s lunches, and I gracefully excused myself.